mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
