Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
