Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Randomize
