im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
