Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
