I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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