I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
