Quick, to the slutcave!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And then he peed in my hair
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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