Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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