i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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