Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
