Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
