when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
