Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
