I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
