Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
