You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
