hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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