just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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