Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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