I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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