She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
