Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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