the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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