Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.