I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks