Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
