you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked