My brain says no but my pants say off.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
