the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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