why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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