This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
