one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize