Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
