My first STD was from a foam party
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
