when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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