how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
