I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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