The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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