i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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