All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
