anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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