please come you make the beer taste better
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
