I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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