then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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