well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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