all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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