im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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