Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
