i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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