So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wear drunk well.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
