I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
