Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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