just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
