i barfeds in our rink
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
