I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
