Cold hands, warm shart.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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