Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
