is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
