Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So vagazzling was a success
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
