Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
