Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have post one night stand depression
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
