A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
