also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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