Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
