Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
