He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
