I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i came on her dog
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
