i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
