Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
