I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
