Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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