So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
