the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
