I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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