I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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