So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
